It is natural for families facing a new diagnosis of cancer to be concerned about how they will deal with this crisis in their lives. For families of young children or adolescents, these worries may be greater, as they wonder how their children will cope with the uncertainty a cancer diagnosis produces.
A child's age is an important factor in deciding what and how much you should tell about a new diagnosis. The guiding principle should be to tell the truth in such a way that the child is able to understand and prepare him or herself for the changes that will happen in the family. Children thrive on routine – it helps them feel safe. When life becomes unpredictable, they will need help adjusting to the changes.
Young children up to 8 years old will not need a great deal of detailed information, while older children and adolescents will need - and deserve – to know more. All children need the following basic information: the name of the cancer, such as "breast cancer", "lymphoma", etc., the part of the body where the cancer is, how it will be treated and how their own lives will be affected.
Some children may become very emotional when learning about a new diagnosis, while others may act as if nothing is wrong. The goal is to give the child a balanced point of view. The child should realize that cancer is a serious, but not a hopeless, illness. It will be important for parents to choose a time when they are feeling fairly calm to talk to their children. Parents can acknowledge that this is an upsetting time, that cancer is a scary disease and that it's okay to have strong feelings about it. That doesn't mean, however, that the family won't be able to find ways to cope with it.
There are other worries children have about cancer, in addition to the illness itself. The most common of these is that something they did or didn't do may have caused the parent's illness. When a parent gets sick, children often feel guilty and think they are to blame for the cancer. Children usually won't express this, so anticipating this reaction – and addressing it – can prevent the child from suffering guilt for no reason.
Other things children worry about are that cancer is contagious, that everyone dies from it, that they or the other parent will get it, etc. It's a good idea to correct these thoughts before the child has a chance to worry. Children can become confused about how people get sick, and a common worry is that cancer can be passed from one person to another, like "catching" a cold. Parents can explain that cancer is a different kind of illness – children don't have to worry that someone passed it on to mom or dad or that they will get it. Parents may want to tell their children how many advances have been made and that the outlook for many cancers is much more hopeful.
Children should be given truthful information, when needed, to cope with what is happening to them and their family. A good way to help children is to say, "I don't want you to worry about the future at this point – let's think about what's going on right now. If anything changes, I promise I will tell you. I will always try to tell you the truth. I want you to ask me any questions, and I will do my best to answer them."
Our Mom Has Cancer is a children's book that has been created for children ages 5-12, who have a parent with cancer. Abigail and Adrienne Ackermann wrote this book to share their personal experience with other children.
Children may struggle with the uncertainty and inevitable change that occurs when a chronic illness affects someone they know, whether it's a family member, a friend, or a beloved teacher or librarian. Offer them support, encouragement and opportunity for imaginative personal expression with Because Someone I Love Has Cancer. The creative activities in this inspired publication are designed to address the basic goals of therapeutic support for children between the ages of six and twelve who have a loved one with cancer.
Features:
*Exercises progressively teach coping skills
*Includes a 16-page removable guide for caregivers
Our Mom has Cancer and Because... Someone I Love Has Cancer are published by the American Cancer Society and are available by calling 1-800-ACS-2345 or online from www.cancer.org/bookstore.
Para solicitar información en español, llame al 1-800-ACS-2345. Un especialista en información sobre el cáncer le asistirá en español.
Spring/Summer 2001 Updated 9/15/2004
